


Somewhere In Between

by Joyous32



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, Developing Relationship, Episode: s02e06 Reset and so on, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-07 15:13:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7719652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joyous32/pseuds/Joyous32
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ianto died. But this is Torchwood, so he has to get back to work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. C'est La Vie

**Author's Note:**

> Titles from various Civil Wars songs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major character death.

“Do you prefer Gwen?” Ianto asked randomly, pressing his lips together as he stared up at the ceiling.

“What?” Jack asked through his toothbrush and Ianto sat up, scratching his head.

“Never mind.” Ianto grumbled and pulled on his shirt.

“Ianto.” Jack called as Ianto reached the ladder.

“Yes, sir?” Ianto didn’t turn, but listened as Jack rinsed his mouth and wrapped his arms around Ianto from behind.

“Before Gwen, you were the newest employee here.” Jack commented, resting his chin on Ianto’s shoulder.

“Yes, sir.” Ianto answered.

“Ianto.” Jack whined.

“ _Jack_.” Ianto exaggerated.

“I knew though that you were already trained by Torchwood One. So I didn’t feel the need to train you. Now, I’m training Gwen just as I trained Tosh, Owen and Suzie.”

“I bet Owen loved that.” Ianto grumbled and Jack turned Ianto to face him. “I see the way she looks at you.” Ianto whispered, avoiding eye contact.

“I can’t help what others do.” Jack reminded him.

“You can help encouraging it.” Ianto snapped and jumped at the harshness of his own voice.

“I’m just training her.” Jack commented as Ianto pulled Jack’s hands off his waist.

“Does she know that?” Ianto grumbled and crawled up the ladder.

“I’ve made it clear that I want her to stay with Rhys.”

“That’s a logical fallacy, Jack.” Ianto commented and turned to watch the man rise from the hole. “If she sees you flirting with her whilst being with me, she would see no problem in being with Rhys and your encouragement thereof, as well as being with you. We already know she has no trouble having affairs.” Jack blinked away.

“You know, I am loyal to you.” Jack commented as he fiddled with the files on his desk.

“We never specified.” Ianto shrugged, tucking his hands into his pockets.

“I’ve only been with you. Since that night…it’s only you.” Jack finally looked up to him and Ianto raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t lie.” Ianto barely whispered. Jack stepped forward and held Ianto in his arms once more, kissing his forehead.

“I’m not.” Jack promised. “And…I’ll be more careful. To see what you’ve seen with me and Gwen.” Jack determined and Ianto glanced up to him, pressing his lips together in cruel hope.

-

 “Miss Martha Jones.” Jack called as the door opened and Ianto simply pressed his lips together when Jack winked at her. Nothing he wasn’t used to.

Jack and Martha hugged, and Ianto watched Jack’s smile widened. Ianto smiled for the man and gave Martha a pleasant wave when he was introduced.

He had heard of Doctor Martha Jones from UNIT. Jack had told him a bit about what they had experienced in that year that never happened. Martha could make Jack smile with a medical examination. Ianto smirked when Jack laughed, appreciating this woman’s sense of humour just as much as Jack did.  

He could pin it down to the connection to the Doctor. The amount of time spent with Martha and the Doctor was immeasurable, partially because of how often they jumped around through time. With a pang, Ianto realised that Martha probably knew Jack better than Ianto did. But then, who better to ask about Jack, he determined.

He watched Martha carefully, staying close beside her and never failing to give her a charming grin.

Then Martha mentioned a little red cap. Ianto stared blank faced for far too long and knew it. He tried to laugh it off as he rushed up the stairs, but she recalled his attention. She wanted to know about his dabbling, so Ianto would tell her. He smiled enchantingly as he explained in as little detail as possible.

Jack smiled when he saw Ianto emerge from the medical bay with Martha. “My Joneses.” He commented and Ianto raised an eyebrow at him before continuing to find Martha’s new ID, paying more attention to her than him. Jack didn’t seem to notice, but Ianto was enjoying himself.  

He could see what Jack saw in her. She was brilliant, dissecting Ianto’s less revealing explanations into things that couldn’t possibly make sense to the common ear. She worked her way into the Pharm easily as Tosh communicated via the camera lenses. Nothing deterred her from working the case, while Ianto had to work to remain deadpanned when she retorted to Owen’s sultry comments.

So, by the end of the night, jumping in front of a bullet didn’t seem like too awful of an idea. He stepped forward and helped Owen walk Martha to the car. He could hear a gun cock and turned to see Dr. Copley with a gun aimed at Martha. Martha, who connected with Jack on a level that nobody else did. Martha, who worked perfectly into Jack’s plans for Torchwood’s future. Martha, who was brilliant and all around lovely.

Ianto stepped in between the gun and Martha just as the bullet left the barrel. He was knocked onto his back and at first, he thought that was the worst of his injuries, but his hands came up from his chest covered in blood. He whimpered in surprise, but spat out blood as both Owen and Martha attempted to work over him.

“Jack?” Ianto called through the blood. Jack’s face blurred in front of him. Ianto thought hard of something meaningful to say, but the pain was horrendous and the thought of death terrified him. Everything blacked out.

Everything was quiet as Jack leaned over Ianto. “Ianto!” He shook the man slightly as Martha stepped away and Owen sniffed, pulling his hand away from Ianto’s wrist.

“He’s gone.” Owen whispered.

“Ianto!” Jack repeated hysterically and was finally pulled away by Gwen.

It seemed all too ironic. Jack pushed her off of him and knelt back down beside Ianto, simply holding the man. He had assumed that Ianto would survive this. After all, they were practically surrounded by doctors. And Ianto had survived so much worse. This couldn’t be it. It couldn't.

“Wake up!” Jack shouted, but finally was jerked away from Ianto, feeling as if he wasn’t even inhabiting his own body. Finally, the tears came and Jack sobbed.


	2. C'est La Mort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of sex, necrophilia, leukemia, talk about death/dying

Ianto screamed and heard people bustling about around him. “Jack?” He called and saw Jack staring down at him.

“Ianto, I’ve got you.” He called back and Ianto tried to breathe in. There was no air, but his body didn’t seem to care.

“What hap—I was shot. Jack, I’m—” Ianto looked around. “I should be dead. I am dead.” Ianto concluded and glanced over to see the Risen Mitten on Jack’s hand and on his own head. “Jack?” Ianto called out in frustration.

“I brought you back.” Jack told him with a pained smile.

“How long has it been?” Ianto looked around to see nobody with a stopwatch. “I’m only barely dead and it’s all gone to hell. Does no one here think?” He snapped, trying to feel… something. Everything was numb. “Let me go, Jack.” Ianto concluded.

“No. You can feed off my life source; I’ve got plenty of it.” Jack decided.

“Jack, you’ve got Gwen…and Martha.” Ianto reminded him.

“I want you.” Jack whimpered out and Ianto tried to shake his head.

“Jack, the archives—”

“No, Ianto.”

“You need to know the pass codes—”

“Ianto.” Jack snapped and leaned down, kissing Ianto. When he pulled away, Ianto was motionless once more. “Ianto!” Jack cried out in frustration as tears streamed down his cheeks. He patted Ianto’s cheeks as if trying to wake him and then leaned down, resting his forehead on Ianto’s chest as he sobbed.

“Jack.” Ianto’s voice called and Jack jumped out of skin, lifting the glove and then tossing it away.

“Ianto!” Jack leaned down and kissed him again, but Ianto pushed him away. Ianto slowly sat up and looked around.

“Still not timing, I see.” He grumbled and Owen approached, pressing his stethoscope to Ianto’s heart.

“Nothing.”

“Everything’s tingly.” Ianto commented and rubbed his cold hands together. Jack took them in his, laughing slightly as he warmed them between his own.

“Is he feeding off Jack?” Tosh suggested.

“I feel fine.” Jack commented.

“Would you tell us if you weren’t, Jack?” Owen snapped and looked at a monitor. “He’s not brain dead.”

“We’ll have to check you next, Owen.” Ianto grumbled.

“Hey.” Owen barked. Tosh pulled out the Philemon Filter and scanned Jack with it. He rolled his eyes, but stayed still as requested.

“Then I’m not dead, am I?” Ianto asked, jumping to his feet, holding the sheet around his waist. If he could have, he’d have blushed. “Can I have my clothes, please?” He asked and looked down. “Ah.” Ianto gritted his teeth when he saw the gaping hole in his chest.

“You get used to it.” Jack commented, shrugging as he handed Ianto his clothes.

“Says the man without a scratch ever on him.” Ianto snapped and pulled his trousers on with the sheet still covering him. 

“It’s not Jack.” Tosh determined, putting the scanner away.

 “How do you feel?” Martha finally spoke up, watching Ianto carefully.

“It’s coming back.” Ianto muttered, touching his shirt where it covered the hole in his chest and Jack raised an eyebrow.

“Why aren’t you brain dead?” Owen grumbled and Ianto refrained from retorting.

“That’s not the same glove.” Ianto commented, pointing to it.

“Well, no.” Jack concluded and they all glanced at him.

“Maybe it has a different purpose than the last one.” Ianto suggested and shrugged on his shirt. Gwen began explaining the gloves to Martha as Jack reached forward and pulled Ianto into a hug.

“I thought I lost you.” He whispered into Ianto’s shoulder, but then placed Ianto at an arm’s length away, holding his shoulders. “You can’t leave the Hub until we figure this out.” Jack determined and Ianto shrugged.

“Do I ever?” Ianto questioned back and Jack rolled his eyes, but smiled, pulling Ianto into his office and shutting the door behind them. Jack kissed him deeply and Ianto relished the warmth against him, though he could already tell there was no blood rushing anywhere. “No blood flow.” Ianto murmured against Jack’s lips and Jack pulled away to give him a confused look. “I see Owen’s point. How am I not brain dead?” Ianto questioned.

“Good thing we still have that list.” Jack determined, kissing Ianto’s neck.

“List?” Ianto remarked.

“Things to do with a stopwatch. There are ways to enjoy yourself still.” Jack informed him and Ianto sighed.

“Necrophilia.” Ianto muttered, but Jack ignored him. “Now I know what you experience in death.” Ianto informed him and Jack pulled away to look at him.

 “We should see what does work in you.” Jack determined and led him back out to the medical bay.

Martha scanned Ianto while Owen continued muttering about brain activity. “So, your internal organs have stopped working.”

“But I’m speaking.” Ianto remarked.

“Things that you can consciously decide to do seem to work. So, lungs, larynx, body movement. But your stomach, heart, kidneys and so on are all down.” Martha explained.

“No more coffee.” Ianto groaned. “Can I teach myself to consciously digest?” He asked, but could hear how stupid he sounded as he spoke.

“Sorry.” Martha shrugged and Ianto’s eyes rolled back as he fell to the floor. “Ianto?” Martha called and tried to lift him back up. “Jack, help!” She called and Jack hurried back into the medical bay.    

Everything was black. Ianto couldn’t see anything, but he could feel something. A presence. “Martha?” He called. “Martha, is that you?” His heart sped up as he realised that the presence was too large for life. It wasn’t Martha. Martha didn’t normally whisper ominously as far as Ianto knew. “Stay away!” Ianto called and then light flooded back into his eyes and he was clutching Jack.

“Jack?” He questioned and the world spun beneath him. “What was that? What...what did it want? The lights…”

“Ianto, calm down.” Jack held Ianto still as Ianto whimpered, but finally was quiet, resting against Jack. “What was what?” Jack asked finally.

“The…lights went out. And there was something…” Ianto panted as per habit, shivering when his body attempted to start hyperventilating.

“Ianto, you collapsed. Nothing else happened.” Martha commented as Jack held Ianto to stop him from falling.

“Don’t like it.” Ianto mumbled as Jack sat him back down.

“Ianto’s cells aren’t decaying, but changing.” Martha explained as they all sat around the conference table. Gwen had draped a blanket over Ianto, who gave her a thankful smile even though he wasn’t sure there was any use. His body couldn’t warm itself up.

“Into what?” Jack asked.

“An alien?” Ianto interjected.

“I can’t identify it, but you’re about forty per cent something else.” Martha offered with an apologetic shrug.

“I don’t feel any different from before.” Ianto grumbled, watching Jack drink coffee.

“If I’m not the energy source, we should figure out what is.” Jack offered.

“It’s probably coming from wherever the glove comes from.”

“Risen Mitten.” Ianto muttered.

“Well, what about the thing that Ianto was hearing?” Gwen suggested.

“Where’d it go?” Ianto questioned. “And why was it dark?”

“Could you have entered another…dimension? Universe?” Jack offered and Ianto furrowed his eyebrows together.

“Could he have been wherever the glove is from?” Gwen continued.

“I was here, though. You said I collapsed, not that I disappeared.” Ianto insisted.

“Consciousness left you to go somewhere else.” Jack offered and Ianto bit his lip.

“I left my body.” Ianto reiterated and Jack shrugged a nod.

“Tosh, check our internal system readings for any dimensional anomalies in the last twelve hours.” Jack suggested and continued giving orders while Ianto rested his head against the table. Ianto heard the others leave and then felt Jack’s hand against his back. “It’s okay. We’ll get this all worked out.” Jack promised quietly.

“Is that what you feel, Jack? When you die, do you hear…voices?” Ianto asked, looking up to him carefully, but then avoiding eye contact. Jack stared down at him, considering whether or not he should tell the truth.

“No. There’s…nothing.” Jack offered and Ianto narrowed his eyes.

“Didn’t you say it hurt?” Ianto asked.

“Sure, the process of dying hurts. Being shot, blown up or set on fire, yeah. But once you’re gone, you’re gone.”

“And coming back?” Ianto pressed and Jack sighed.

“Tingles like needles.” Jack shrugged and watched Ianto slump over again. “Ianto?” Jack knelt down beside him and tried to shake the man awake. He moved to check for a pulse, but then remembered that there wouldn’t be one regardless of whether or not Ianto would return to consciousness. “Ian—” Ianto gasped back awake even though breathing was still pointless. “Ianto, can you hear me?” Jack asked.

“Yes, what—” Ianto’s head hit the table, but then he stood and Jack jumped back at the black eyes staring him down. “ _Melkurian abatha duroc minus mill kabal_.” A deep voice claimed through Ianto.

“Neat trick.” Jack grumbled as Ianto blinked and whimpered, pawing at his own face.

“Jack, the energy in Ianto just went off the scale.” Martha burst back into the room to see Ianto shoving his face in Jack’s shoulder and Jack wrapping his arms around the man.

“We know.” Jack commented, rocking Ianto slightly.

“Why haven’t you told UNIT?” Martha snapped.

“What?”

“You’ve had the ability to bring people back from the dead before, haven’t you?” Martha pointed an accusatory finger at him.

“They would’ve used it.”

“Like you?” Martha gestured to Ianto. “No offence, Ianto.” She claimed and Ianto just sat back down. “Ianto is only fifty per cent human, right now. And that fifty per cent is dead.” She finally got back to work.

“Then what else am I? Who am I?” Ianto snapped.

“We have to figure it out.” Jack determined and Ianto glared up at him.

“Thanks, Captain—” Ianto paused, banging his fist against the table.

“Careful. You’re dead. If you break something, it’ll stay that way.” Martha commented and Ianto furrowed his eyebrows, looking at his fist as if expecting to see bruising.

“Why’d you bring me back anyway?” Ianto barked, standing to stare Jack down.

“I’m gonna go figure—” Martha left the room as she spoke, trailing off.

“I need you.”

“I was going to die eventually, Jack; you knew that.”

“I wasn’t expecting it so soon.” Jack’s voice cracked, but Ianto just scowled.

“Yeah? Nor was I.”

“Then why’d you jump in front of a bullet?” Jack snapped.

“To save Martha!”

“Yeah, I’ve seen you flirting with her. Don’t you think it’s a bit hypocritical to be commenting on my treatment of Gwen?”

“To save Martha for you!” Ianto finished and Jack exhaled loudly as he stared back at Ianto, slightly jaw dropped. There was a long silence.

“Ianto, there is no one in the world I would trade you for.” Jack finally announced and Ianto began to sob, knowing that these would be his last tears as his body slowly dehydrated itself. Jack stepped forward and hugged Ianto close.

“Jack?” Ianto called after the tears stopped. “I don’t like this.”

“I’m sorry.” Jack responded, looking tearfully into Ianto’s eyes, which didn’t help. It merely reminded Ianto of another human thing he wouldn’t be able to do again. No sex, no coffee, no crying. Just survival. And with how Jack seemed to take that never-ending survival, Ianto wasn’t looking forward to it.

“I could just…collapse any minute and never come back.” Ianto commented and Jack pressed his lips together as he tightened his grip on Ianto’s shoulders. “It could be the last time I see you.” Ianto finished, looking to the floor.

“Don’t let it go to waste.” Jack smirked, lifting Ianto’s chin and kissing him.

“I love you.” Ianto announced against Jack’s lips and Jack pulled away, looking to the floor. “I don’t want you to say it back.” Ianto shrugged and Jack glanced up at him carefully. “I don’t want you to love me because I could lose consciousness and never return.” He claimed.

“Or you could stay like this forever.” Jack added and Ianto narrowed his eyes as he considered this.

“I don’t want to hurt you. So…don’t love me, Jack.” Ianto insisted and Jack just stared, feeling his heart break.

“Jack, after Ianto collapsed again—” Martha entered the room, playing with the translator.

“Melkurian abatha duroc minus mill kabal.” Jack recited, and Martha and Ianto both widened their eyes.

“Not you too.” Martha groaned.

“You remember exactly what that thing in me said?” Ianto whined.

“I’m fine.” Jack looked to Martha and glanced down at the translator. “'I shall walk the earth and my hunger shall know no bounds'.” Jack read and Owen popped his head into the door.

“Hey guys, I don’t know if there’s any connection, but whenever Ianto’s energy spikes, Janet acts up. Or…stops acting.” Owen shrugged and they followed him out to look at the video of the cells. Janet the Weevil had been cowering in her cage, moaning.

“Um, Jack.” Tosh recalled their attention to the CCTV of the bay, where Weevils were surrounding the Hub’s entrance.

“Go back to when Ianto had an energy spike.” Jack requested and Tosh did so to reveal all the Weevils acting just as Janet had.

“'I shall walk the earth and my hunger shall know no bounds'. That comes from an article about the Black Death. It says that Death said those words.” Gwen offered from her computer.

“I’m not Death, I’m barely even dead.” Ianto countered.

“I guess the Weevils don’t know the difference.” Jack grumbled and Ianto looked at him.

“What, you think they’re afraid of me?” He asked, following Jack to the conference room, where Gwen set up the information she had gathered on the screen.

“Right, that wood carving dates back to the fifteenth century, to a small parish called Saint James. When they heard about the plague, they built a wall around the town. Unfortunately, that didn't prevent a little girl from dying. So the legend goes, the priest performs a miracle, brings her back to life, but she doesn't come back alone. She brought Death with her, and he walked amongst them.” Gwen explained.

“That’s just a story.” Tosh commented. “An article.”

“What church?” Jack questioned.

“Saint Mary’s.”

“That’s where I found the glove.” Jack added.

“What happened when Death walked among them?” Owen questioned.

“Twelve people died, but Death needed thirteen to have a permanent hold on Earth.” Gwen continued.

“How’d it stop at twelve?” Ianto asked.

“It just said faith.”

“Am I the vessel? I brought Death with me and now he’s going to inhabit the earth?” Ianto asked.

“You’re eighty per cent something else.” Martha added and Ianto winced.

“I don’t want to be a monster.” Ianto claimed.

“We won’t let you become one.” Jack promised and Ianto watched as they all considered this.

“I died. Let’s treat me like I died. Embalm me or whatever.” Ianto suggested and Jack shook his head.

“No.” Jack snapped, but Ianto ignored him.

“Owen, can you make me brain dead?”

“Yeah, a little formaldehyde should freeze dry your brain.” Owen commented, seeming more interested in the science of the idea than the actual enacting of it.

“Can you stop me from feeling that?” Ianto wrinkled his nose.

“Ethanol.” Owen shrugged.

“Are you sure, Ianto?” Gwen asked.

“You’ve mourned me once. Let’s not go for a second time.” Ianto commented, looking to Jack, whose eyes were shining with tears.

“I won’t let you.”

“Jack, I’ve got to go sometime. And this is better than becoming something you have to fight. Better than becoming something that will hurt people.” Ianto explained, placing his hands on Jack’s cheeks.

“Ninety five per cent.” Martha whispered and Ianto stepped back away from Jack, jerking his hands away. A tear fell onto Jack’s horrified face.

In the autopsy room, Ianto was strapped down onto the table while Jack clutched his hand too tight. His fingers definitely weren’t getting any blood in them now. “Ready for the first injection?” Martha asked, not making eye contact with Ianto, but Ianto didn’t mind.

Suddenly the Risen Mitten jumped up and attacked Martha. “Lockdown!” Jack yelled as he attempted to pry the Mitten off of Martha’s face. Finally, Owen managed to step down upon the thing.

“Gun?” He called and they all stared.

“The connection could be lost.” Tosh pointed out and Jack looked to Ianto.

“Now!” Owen snapped. Ianto rolled his eyes, removed Jack’s gun from his holster and tossed the gun to Owen.

“Martha!” Gwen knelt down beside an old lady who had taken Martha’s place. “What happened?”

“The glove. Owen, help me with her!” Jack called, but Owen had changed the point of the gun to Ianto, whose eyes had gone black once more.

“ _I shall walk the earth and my hunger will know no bounds_.” A voice called from Ianto and smoke began to emanate out of him into a form that could only be described as deathly. It loomed over Jack as Ianto collapsed.

Jack and Ianto both woke up in the car, parked outside of the hospital. “What?” Jack breathed.

“Am I free?” Ianto smiled at Jack, who narrowed his eyes and rushed into the hospital where Gwen had a medic wheeling Martha away. Once they reached a more private room, Martha used a mirror to reflect on what she had become.

“How are we going to reverse this?” Jack questioned.

“It killed twelve people, last time.” Gwen added and Jack bit his lip. “What did faith do to stop it from reaching thirteen?”

“Owen, research and Ianto, I want you back at the Hub.”

“I’m better here with Martha.” Owen commented.

“I’m a doctor, too, Owen.” Martha reminded him.

“I’m fine now. I’m all human. I could help here.” Ianto persisted and Jack gritted his teeth.

“Fine. Owen with Martha. Ianto, research.”

“Yes, sir.” Ianto nodded, leaving to find a computer. When he reentered the room, he saw Owen assisting a nurse with Martha’s vitals. He could hear Jack and Gwen stomping around outside. When Jack spoke to Ianto over the radio, Ianto directed him to the sixth level.

“I’ve got this, Ianto.” Tosh took over when she saw him getting nowhere in the research.

“Yeah, Ianto with me.” Owen determined and they made their way to the seventh floor. Ianto gasped and glanced around. “What are you doing?” Owen asked.

“It’s here, Jack.” Ianto informed them all and Owen scooted away from Ianto, continuing to look into rooms. Ianto did the same and found a young boy staring up at the grim reaper like form. “Come on!” Ianto grabbed the boy’s hand and they ran, but found Owen trying to kick down a door to the stairs.

“Twelve people are dead.” Gwen announced over the radio and Ianto winced.

“What’s your name?” Ianto knelt down in front of the boy.

 “Anything, Ianto?” Jack called.

“Jamie Burton.” The little boy whimpered.

 “The little girl! Her name was Faith! Faith stopped Death.” Tosh announced.

“Well, I’m Ianto and this is Owen. What are you in for, Mr. Burton?” Ianto asked, giving the boy a gentle smile.

 “Tosh?” Jack questioned and Ianto wished he’d just leave it.

“Leukemia.” Jamie responded.

 “How?” Owen redirected the conversation and Ianto blinked in realisation.

“She didn’t have anything to lose. She had died. So, of course, she could beat death.” Ianto remarked with a smirk.

“And how do you plan on doing that, Ianto, a stopwatch?” Owen snapped, finally getting the door down.

“My fists?” Ianto suggested and looked back to Jamie. “Alright, Jamie. Watch this. I’m going to beat death. You gonna do the same?” He asked with a playful smile and Jamie shrugged. “You can do it, Mr. Burton. Go with Owen.” Ianto shoved them both out the door and slammed it shut again, hearing Owen curse from the other side.

Then Ianto turned to the skeletal smoke figure as it approached. “What’cha gonna do, huh? Can’t kill me. I’m already dead. There’s no one else here for you.” Ianto commented, feeling uncomfortable since he couldn’t feel his heart race. The figure seemed to look around for an exit, but Ianto reached forward and grabbed it. “How long can you last here with only twelve souls?” Ianto asked and tackled the thing to the ground when it attempted to struggle. He leaned all his weight down on the creature and finally, felt it fade away beneath him. He was lying on the floor, now.

Eventually, Ianto jumped up to his feet to see Jack reaching out and grabbing him as if to keep him upright. Ianto wasn’t struggling in that field, but let Jack hold him. “Tosh, how’s Martha?” Jack asked.

“She’s all better, Jack!” Tosh responded, laughing slightly. “How are things with you?”

“All’s well.” Jack decided and wrapped his other arm around Ianto as well, not letting him go.

-

“So, you’re right. You are completely human now.” Owen informed him. “And the brain activity seems to be fading. Slowly, but… you know.” Owen shrugged.

“Like normal life?” Ianto asked and Owen shrugged again. “So when am I going to…die again?”

“Could be today, could be in eighty years.” Owen offered. “Your consciousness is as random as the rest of us. Welcome back, Ianto Jones.” Owen finished and went back to work in the medical bay.

That night, Ianto and Jack sat on the couch. There was no point in the bed now, since Ianto couldn’t sleep. Jack’s sleep-like hazes could be interspersed by days, so there was no fear in staying up with Ianto for the night.

“People died today.” Ianto commented as Jack played with his hair.

“People die every day.” Jack reminded him.

“Not because of me.”

“That wasn’t because of you.”

“I brought death…here.” Ianto argued.

“No, I did. I brought you back and brought death back through you.”

“People still died because of our actions.” Ianto insisted.

“My actions.” Jack reinforced.

“If I had just given myself up earlier—”

“Ianto, there’s no good in these thoughts.” Jack informed him and Ianto drooped. “We’re all okay. You saved the world.” Jack hugged him closer and then chuckled. “Even after death, Ianto Jones saves the world!” He announced and Ianto smirked as he rolled his eyes and turned to kiss Jack. 


	3. Swan Dive Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, I realized in the last chapter I accidentally made it so Ianto could still feel things, unlike Owen, who felt nothing. Instead of attempting to go through and fix everything, I decided to run with it. Sorry. Hope you like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of sex, death (duh) and suicide.

“You getting up?” Jack called from the bathroom and Ianto buried his head in the pillow.

“No.” He grunted.

“Are you still pouting?” Jack emerged to watch Ianto slightly lift his head.

“Meh.” His face fell back onto the pillow.

“I never thought someone would find my life boring.” Jack remarked.

“You get up, use the toilet, brush your teeth, clean your face and get dressed. Just the same as everyone else, Jack.” Ianto reminded him. “Unless you want to make that fun…” He looked over to Jack with a teasing smirk.

“I thought I was bad.” Jack responded. “You know, as a general rule, you should probably still take a shower and brush your teeth. Morning breath. You wash your clothes, so body should be...” Jack trailed off and Ianto sighed.

“Jack.” Ianto groaned.

“No.”

“I’m bored.”

“No.”

“Come on, you’re ready and nobody’s going to be here any time soon; you know that.”

“Coffee, Ianto.”

“I’m dead. You give the dead man responsibilities?” Ianto whined.

“When the dead man expects a pay check, yes, I do.” Jack leaned over and kissed Ianto, luring him out of the bed.

“Even though I could poison you?” Ianto added and Jack pulled away to give him a look. “You took my gun. I noticed. And now you appear to be trying to hide it from me.” Ianto wrapped his hands around Jack to tap the gun where it rested between his braces and shirt.

“A gun is a much more… imminent threat.” Jack remarked and stepped away, climbing out of his bunker and into his office above. “You can go back to your original duties. Archives, coffee…”

“So basically, you thought I was dead when you hired me.”

“Logical fallacy.” Jack pointed to him and sat down behind his desk. “Owen might run some more tests on you later.” Jack added, not looking up from the files on his desk. Since Martha was gone, Owen had regained all his normal assignments.

 Ianto left to make coffee without another word.

 As Jack had informed him, Owen did do some tests on Ianto, who felt a little too much like one of Owen’s experiments. “You don’t feel stiff anywhere?” He asked.

“No.” Ianto replied and Owen glanced up to make a comment, but then saw Ianto’s face. “You okay? I mean, up here.” Owen tapped his head with his pen. “I am your doctor and I can be serious if needed, you know.”

“I’m fine, Owen, it’s just…everything seems menial.”

“Even with Jack…” Owen gestured to Jack’s office and Ianto looked away, feeling as though he should be blushing. “Still not brain dead, still got nerves… At least the gay ...thing works.” Owen remarked and Ianto stood, practically running from the room. “Keep exercising, Ianto!” Owen called after him.

Ianto ran straight into Jack, who placed his hands on Ianto’s shoulders to stop him from falling over. “Woah. Meeting in the boarding room. Coffee?” Jack asked and Ianto nodded, not making eye contact. “You okay?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” Ianto grumbled.

“’Cause you’re …dead.”  Jack offered and Ianto rolled his eyes.

“I’m fine. Not like it changes anything.” Ianto muttered and side-stepped Jack to make more coffee.

When he entered the conference room, they were already mid-conversation about Henry John Parker. Jack watched with a raised eyebrow as Gwen gave orders and the team, including Ianto, followed thoughtlessly.  

Once Ianto was supposed to enter the archives, he was ignored. He didn’t, however, actually, enter the archives. He stood watch in the tourist centre only to discover that there was a Weevil sighting a few blocks away. A quick check of the CCTV told him that the rest of the team was too wrapped up in Henry Parker to notice, so he headed off after writing a quick note, explaining where he was.

Finally, the Weevil was subdued and Ianto carted it back to the SUV. When he jumped into the driver’s seat, he yelped. “Nice job. I guess being the Weevil Lord gave you some advantages though.” Jack announced from the passenger seat and Ianto gave him a look.

“How long have you been sitting there?” Ianto snapped.

“I watched you write the note.” Jack raised an eyebrow. “I’m looking out for you, Ianto.”

“Is that why Gwen’s taking over? So you can babysit me?” Ianto grumbled as he drove.

“You’ve got a cut on your arm.” Jack poked his arm where his skin was just barely sliced. “Can’t you feel it?”

“Yeah. It just… it didn’t occur to me that I’ll never stop feeling it now.” Ianto didn’t look away from the road.

“Not too much pain?” Jack asked.

“Minor irritant. Like a paper cut.” Ianto offered.

“Paper cuts can sting.”

“Well, I guess that’ll just be a regular part of my day, then, won’t it, Jack? Get up-not that I will have slept- clean and numb the cut on my arm as well as the one in my chest, and go to work, just like normal.” Ianto barked.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“I’m dead. Or haven’t you noticed?”

“Did you want us all to make a bigger deal about it?” Jack questioned. “I mean, I’ve taken your gun.”

“I want it to matter! I don’t want to be told that my life wouldn’t change-that nobody’s life would change when I’m dead. Don’t I matter, Jack?” Ianto snapped.

“You’re still here. What should’ve changed?” Jack asked and Ianto sighed.

“I can’t do… anything that I’ve never done before.” Ianto offered meekly and Jack was silent. “At least then, I had the option.”

“You can bring down a Weevil by yourself.”

“I’ve always been able to bring down Weevils by myself, Jack. That’s one of the reasons you hired me.” Ianto smacked his hand against the steering wheel, but forced himself to calm down. “Is this what you wanted, Jack? To have me forever? Because that’s all I’ve got now. What the hell am I going to do with it?”

“I never wanted this. I wouldn’t wish my own curse on anyone, Ianto; you know that.” Jack’s voice raised, but then he breathed.

“I don’t have your immortality.”

“No, you’ve got-it’s something different. Ianto, I’m not selfish enough to wish immortality on anyone no matter what the reason. Not even to share it with me, because who knows how long that would last? If it would even last?”

“Well, it looks like you’re stuck with me.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Jack snapped.

“I know.” Ianto grumbled and Jack snorted.

“Are you trying to pick a fight, then?” Jack asked and Ianto was silent as he parked the car and sat, staring at his hands. “You say that there are things you can’t ever do, now, but there are also things you could do that you’ve never imagined doing.” Jack offered. “You don’t need air. Think of the possibilities. Food and water aren’t necessities, so think of the kind of pay raise that’ll give you. You’re not aging. Hell, I’m aging, no matter how slowly. Like you said, we’ve got forever. We don’t need to figure out right now what that forever entails.” Jack finished and Ianto glanced over to him. Jack stared back expectantly and Ianto just got out of the car and pulled the sedated Weevil out of the trunk.

As Ianto rounded the SUV to get back to the Hub, Jack placed his hands on Ianto’s arms and kissed him. Ianto kissed back, finding it somewhat funny that their life had come to kissing in a garage with an unconscious Weevil slung over his back.

“Oi, I don’t care if you’re dead or never dying, no sex in the garage. I’ve done your job, Ianto, and we’ve got something.” Owen snapped and quickly shut the door behind himself.

When they both stepped into the Hub, the rest of the team was staring. “Something on my face?” Jack asked and Ianto rolled his eyes as he stepped toward Tosh’s computer.

“What’ve we got?” He asked.

“You want a job?” Gwen asked.

“No.” Jack pointed to her.

“We need someone with no body heat to get into Parker’s house. Ianto’s our man.” Owen explained.

“I’ll do it.”

“Ianto, you can still get hurt.” Jack lifted Ianto’s arm where the cut was still slashed through his jacket. Ianto pulled his arm away.

“But I can’t die.” Ianto reminded him.

“If you get hurt too badly…”

“I won’t.”

-

When they reached Parker’s house, Jack continued his spiel on injuries. “No physical combat.” Jack reminded him.

“Yes, sir.”

“Don’t do anything stupid.”

“Yes, sir.”

“We’d rather you here than you having saved the world to never return to it, understand?” Jack finished and Owen gave him a look.

“Yes, sir.” Ianto smirked at Owen.

Ianto managed to get through the garden, but when he reached the generator, the remaining guard saw him. “Hello, I was called because of a generator problem?” He claimed, but the man continued stalking toward him. “Little help, guys?” Ianto requested and a shot rang out. The man fell to the floor. “Jack!” Ianto snapped.

“He’s just unconscious. The other guards will have heard that, so get moving.” Jack responded and Ianto rushed through his work to disable the generator and then shot it himself for good measure.

“Really?” Owen asked.

“They won’t be able to fix it with a little tinkering, now.” Ianto replied and hurried on.

“You’ve got a minute and twenty seconds until the backup generator comes online.” Tosh informed him, but a guard contradicted that, claiming forty-five seconds. “Sorry. Appears they’ve been busy.” Tosh concluded.

When Ianto entered the house, he saw the heat sensors, but of course, they didn’t pick him up. However, the guard at the top of the stairs saw him. “What the hell?” He asked and Ianto groaned, doing his best zombie impression. The guard booked it and Ianto snickered.

“Real mature.” Owen commented, but Ianto could hear laughter coming from the others.

Ianto continued up the stairs and into the room where the energy spikes were located. There was an old man lying on the bed, surrounded by medical equipment. “Yes?” The man called out.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” Ianto informed him.

“So, you’re not really a zombie? You’ve scared my best guard into a closet.”

“You’re Henry Parker?” Ianto asked. “I’m Ianto Jones.”

“From Torchwood?”

“Yes.” Ianto replied, knowing that there was no point in denying it.

“The American sent you, did he? He should’ve sent the Japanese girl. Can she hear me?”

“Yes.” Ianto narrowed his eyes.

“Hello! I just wanted to say, you’ve got very nice legs! You should show them off more.” Parker announced.

“What happened?” Ianto pointed to the machinery.

“Three heart attacks and a failed bypass. But I’m fine because I’ve got this.” Parker pulled out a glowing, purple shell that was much too large to actually be a shell-never mind the glowing part. “I call it the Pulse. It’s keeping me alive, so you can’t take it.”

“It’s not, though, sir.” Ianto replied.

“Hey!” Jack called through the earpiece and Ianto turned the earpiece off.

“The energy’s not going to you, it’s just building up inside of it. It’s going to explode, sir.” Ianto explained.

“You’re wrong. I’m not going to die.” Ianto’s heart could have broken.

“Sir, many people will die if we don’t get that thing out of here.”

“It’s helping me.”

“It really isn’t.”

“You don’t know what it feels like to die.” The man claimed and Ianto gritted his teeth at the comical nature of that comment.

“No? Your heat sensors didn’t pick me up.”

“You did something… they aren’t working.”

“Here.” Ianto placed his hand on the man’s cheek. “You see? Freezing. There’s no life in me.”

“How?”

“I’m dead, sir.”

“You really are a zombie?” The heart monitor acted up and Ianto longed for one that would tell him that his heart was doing the same. “An intelligent zombie.”

“Thanks.”

“There’s nothing there. I don’t want to go.”

“Where?”

“The other side.”

“Sir… you have to go eventually. We all do.” Ianto could hear the lie in his own voice.

“My body will decompose. You can’t take it. I’ll be alone in the dark.” Ianto blinked, understanding.

“Aren’t you alone in the dark, here?” Ianto asked. “What’s the difference? It’s just a little bit more unknown, that’s all. A new adventure.” Ianto gave the dying man a small smile, but the fight and hope in the man’s eyes left him as he coughed. Ianto handed him the oxygen mask.

“Take it.” He decided, handing the shell to Ianto. “I should be going now.”

“It did nothing for you, sir.” Ianto reminded him. “I’ll come back, all right? I’ll come back and stay with you.” Ianto offered.

“And you’ll tell me about the aliens?” The man questioned and Ianto shrugged.

“Why not?” Ianto remarked and the man chuckled, but then coughed. Ianto placed the oxygen mask over the man’s face once more, but the man’s chest had stopped its frantic rising and falling. “Mr. Parker? Sir?” Ianto called and then turned his earpiece back on. “Owen, talk me through CPR.” He demanded.

“It’s too late, Ianto. You need to get out of there.” Jack answered instead.

“And take it where?” Ianto snapped, glaring down at the dead man who had gone where he couldn’t.

“Away!” Jack snapped and Ianto hesitated. 

“I’ll absorb the energy.” Ianto suggested.

“Ianto, no!” Jack growled. “What did I say? Nothing reckless, you idiot!”

“Please, Jack.” Ianto scoffed. “You couldn’t have expected anything less from the dead man with nothing to lose.”

“You have everything to lose! I thought we’d established that! Ianto!” Jack shouted.

“Sorry, Jack. I do love you, though.” Ianto reminded him.

“Don’t! Ianto!” Jack continued, but Ianto closed his eyes and blocked it all out.

 -

“Hello!” Ianto called when he saw the girl on the roof.

“Who the hell are you?” The girl replied.

“I’m Ianto Jones. And you are?”

“Go away!” She shouted back.

“That’s an unusual name.” Ianto quipped, but stopped smiling as he remembered the gravity of the situation. “Please come down.”

“I’m going to jump.”

“Well, in that case, I suppose I’ll call the police.” Ianto determined.

“What will that fix?”

“Might…slow you down. But it won’t stop you, eh?” Ianto asked and moved to sit up beside her. “Look, I know that it all seems rather hellish right now-”

“Are you going to tell me that it gets better? Because that’s what they’ve all been telling me for a year and it hasn’t gotten any better.”

“Maggie, right?”

“You been stalking me?”

“When I found this, I thought I’d check in on you before coming up here.” Ianto handed her the picture of her and her husband. “Did he die?” Ianto asked softly.

“An hour after we were married.” She grumbled and Ianto was silent. “Not going to say you’re sorry?”

“Would it help?” Ianto asked and she scoffed.

“No. Is that why you’re here, then? To help.”

“Well, I’m not here to jump. It wouldn’t do much good.” Ianto unbuttoned his shirt to show her the gaping hole in his chest.

“What the hell?”

“I’m already dead.”

“Dead? But you’re… moving, talking. Really?” Maggie asked and Ianto gave a short nod. “How?”

“I was brought back. Not much of a life, though. No sex, no eating or drinking. No sleep. I miss sleep.”

“Not sex?”

“Well, gay men make do.” Ianto shrugged and she wrinkled her nose.

“You don’t look gay.”

“Well, I’m not gay for the fashion.” Ianto gave her a look.

“What’s it like?”

“Being gay?”

“Being dead.” Maggie gave him a look.

“It’s just darkness. There’s nothing there.” Ianto informed her and she looked away, sighing. “Is that really what you look forward to?”

“It has to be better than… feeling.”

“I still feel this.” Ianto claimed. “I also got a cut on my arm and I feel that.”

“You’re not properly dead, though; are you?”

“Thanks.”

“Well, it’s true.”

“Look, Maggie. If you’ve got one thing. Just one thing to live for. Hold onto that. You got family?” Ianto asked and she made a noncommittal noise. “Anyone out there who would miss you? Think of them, Maggie.”  

“It hurts.”

“Life hurts, sometimes. But you know what? The hurt becomes numb. And that numbing feeling can be erased by other such happier memories.” Ianto finished and she looked away.

-

After paying for her fare home, Ianto turned to see Jack sitting on the bench, pretending to read a newspaper. “You aren’t very subtle, are you?” Ianto asked.

“Had to be sure you didn’t jump.”

“What about her?”

“Oh, her too.” Jack shrugged and stood, stretching. “Let’s go home.” He smiled and Ianto rolled his eyes with a smile and followed.


	4. You and Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Non-consensual drug giving

“May I?” Ianto asked, clearing his throat.

“Of course.” Gwen stepped away and looked as though she expected to dance with him. He took Jack’s hands instead and ignored the laughter written on Jack’s face. Ianto felt Jack inhale against his ear, but remained silent as Ianto tried to stop from romanticizing the moment. He felt the warmth of Jack against him and closed his eyes. Still, he could sense Jack glance over to Gwen.

“I’m happy for them.” Jack finally commented.

“You’re jealous of them.” Ianto translated and Jack pulled away to look at him.

“She’s married, Ianto.” Jack grumbled and Ianto smirked.

“I’m not accusing you of lusting after a married woman, although I find it funny that you think I believe that marriage would stop you.” Ianto remarked and Jack continued to stare down at him, but Ianto could see the gears ticking behind the man’s eyes. “You want marriage.” He finished and Jack pulled Ianto flush against him once more to avoid eye contact.

“I’m remembering, Ianto. I remember mar—…marriage.” Ianto heard the reluctance in Jack’s voice, so he stayed silent for a few moments.

“Will you tell me about it?” Ianto asked and Jack leaned away to kiss him sweetly before pulling away completely.

“We need to finish up.” He claimed and headed off to help Tosh and Owen make sure that everyone got a retcon-drugged drink.

After finishing the clean up, Ianto arrived at the Hub to see confetti in the doorway. Nostalgia, indeed. Ianto considered returning to his own flat for the night, leaving Jack to reminisce. However, he hadn’t yet attempted rest without Jack’s warmth against his body. Plus, Jack had already heard him enter and could probably see him from his office anyway.

When he entered the office, Jack gave him a small, forced smile. “I could go…” Ianto suggested, hoping that Jack wouldn’t send him away.

“Come here.” Jack gestured with his head and Ianto stepped over to see Jack looking down at a stack of pictures. Jack said nothing else, but sorted through the pictures, allowing Ianto a glance at each of them. Ianto stayed silent, sensing the weight of this moment, the people that Jack has loved. When Jack placed the pictures back in the box, Ianto sighed.

“Thank you.” He responded, not really knowing what else he could possibly say. It seemed to be enough. Jack stood and kissed him passionately, wrapping one arm around Ianto and placing the other on Ianto’s cheek.

-

“Do you want to get married, Ianto?” Jack asked later as they sat on the sofa at Ianto’s flat, not really watching the television in front of them. Ianto snorted, playing with Jack’s fingers that were laced between his own.

“Are you asking?” Ianto replied and felt Jack stiffen. “I’m not actually asking that.” Ianto clarified quickly and Jack glanced at him in confusion. “Um, I used to. I wanted to …marry Lisa and have …kids.” Ianto concluded and Jack relaxed against him again.

“And now?” Jack pressed and Ianto turned to give him a look.

“This isn’t exactly a light conversation between friends, Jack.” Ianto reminded him and Jack turned as well, twisting around to kiss Ianto gently.

“Who said it was?” Jack asked, moving to kiss Ianto’s cheek. Ianto remembered Jack’s reluctance in showing him his past loves and decided to go for it.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Ianto informed him. “Or the rest of whatever this is, anyway.” Ianto clarified as Jack rested his head in Ianto’s lap and stared up at him blankly. “Some people would… think that that calls for marriage.”

“I’m not asking what other people think.” Jack rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know, Jack.” Ianto snapped, looking away. “You’re …you’re asking me if I’d marry you, but you’re not revealing your intent behind the question.”

“I’d marry you.” Jack responded conversationally and Ianto stared, jaw dropped for a moment.

“It’s not the rest of your life.” Ianto grumbled out, stalling. 

“It could be the rest of yours.” Jack commented and stared him in the eyes. Ianto then saw the tears glistening in Jack’s eyes.

“Is it not normally the rest…?” Ianto trailed off as Jack blinked away. How many lovers left him? How many spouses left him? After promising the rest of their lives despite the fact that Jack wouldn’t grow old with them? And yet, Jack would continue with the possibility of this abandonment in hopes of someone keeping that promise. “Jack, I would—”

“Don’t.” Jack placed his hand on Ianto’s chest. “Don’t promise me things out of guilt or sympathy.” Ianto could’ve blushed in embarrassment. He was too cowardly to admit it before knowing what Jack thought about marriage. And Jack read it as sympathy.

“I love you.” Ianto informed him quietly as Jack rested his head against Ianto’s stomach. “I’m sorry.” Ianto finished in a whisper and Jack grunted as he sat up and kissed Ianto again, his hands cradling Ianto’s face.

“Your dad wasn’t a tailor.” Jack commented randomly and Ianto kissed Jack again to hide his expression.

“Hm?” He murmured and Jack kissed him again before pulling away to look him in the eye.

“Why’d you lie?” He asked with amused grin.

“I was trying to be hot.” Ianto offered, shifting in his seat slightly when Jack forced him to answer. Jack giggled, but stopped when he saw Ianto pout.

“Well, it worked. I was all hot and bothered for the rest of the day.” Jack commented, kissing Ianto’s jaw and Ianto groaned, but returned the kiss.

“Gwen’s going on her honeymoon.” Jack finally commented and Ianto scooted away to look at him.

“Does that mean we all get a week or two off?” Ianto replied and Jack rolled his eyes.

“‘We all’, implying you, Tosh and Owen? Because someone’s got to watch the Rift.”

“Which would then imply that I would be helping because what else is there for me to do in my lack of a life?” Ianto added and Jack rolled his eyes, collapsing on top of Ianto’s lap once more and refusing to get up. "Gwen _is_ going on her honeymoon." Ianto redirected the conversation so that Jack could get to the point.

"We're going to have a lot of work to do." Jack grunted into Ianto's stomach. Ianto rolled his eyes, and sighed quietly and needlessly.


	5. No One Can Be Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of suicide/self harm, PTSD, admission to a psychiatric hospital, physical abuse

Ianto watched the shadows rush around the room and felt as though his heart should be pounding. “Ianto?” Jack called and stepped up behind him as Ianto started to approach the screen. Ianto whipped around to see his Jack. Not the Jack from the screen, but the real Jack. This time’s Jack.

“Rift activity.” Ianto commented and Jack nodded.

“I heard music.” Jack added and Ianto didn’t bother questioning how Jack could have heard music from the Hub. Jack was human, but not completely. The strange was accepted in their relationship.

“It was beautiful.” Ianto remarked and Jack nodded as Ianto waxed poetic about travelling shows. “You were there. On the screen.” Ianto explained.

“Doing what?”

“Killing yourself. What else?” Ianto grumbled and Jack winced. “You were a part of the travelling show.”

“Yeah.” Jack responded.

“I felt these shadows pass by when the film stopped.”

“What kind of shadows?”

“I didn’t know there were different types.” Ianto shrugged and Jack smirked slightly as he watched Ianto stare down the screen.

“Rift activity.” Jack offered and Ianto nodded, turning back to him.

“Yeah.”

“Let’s go have a look around then, shall we?” Jack suggested and Ianto followed.

They went upstairs to talk to Jonathan, the son of the cinema's owners, who claimed to hear the same music as Jack. The look Jack gave Ianto told him that his hearing music wasn’t part of the acceptable strange. Then Tosh sent the team over to Chain Lane, where a girl sat, staring into the rain.

“What is it?” Jack asked when Owen’s face contorted.

“She’s the opposite of Ianto.”

“I beg your pardon?” Ianto grumbled.

“She’s got a heartbeat, but she isn’t breathing.” Owen explained.

“Together we make one complete person.” Ianto added and Jack gave him a look that said he was funny, but now wasn’t the time for humor. Ianto felt he had an excuse since he was joking about his own death of a life.

 -

“That is you!” Owen called later, when they watched over the film again in Jack’s office. Ianto watched Jack look away and narrowed his eyes. Gwen teased him, but Ianto wrinkled his nose as he watched, seeing the truth of his own question in Jack’s eyes.

“You were part of this freak show?” Owen asked.

“Some things never change.” Jack winked at Ianto.

“Oi. I’m only a freak because you are.” Ianto barked and Jack patted his back as he explained the Night Travelers. Ianto went over the film a few more times with Tosh and came up with more information. Then Jack called him back into the conference room, Gwen joking about the two of them.  

“Dying hurts.” Ianto commented as he entered and Jack looked up at him.

“Are you in pain?” Jack asked.

“No.” Ianto finished and breathed, sitting down beside Jack. “You killed yourself for people’s amusement.” Ianto explained and Jack raised an eyebrow. “Do things get that bad, Jack?” Jack looked away.

“Not …with someone. But when someone leaves you or hurts you, there’s … there’s no better distraction.” Jack remarked and then gave Ianto a playful smirk. “And I got paid to do what I did best.”

“Kill yourself.” Ianto added and Jack frowned again.

“I was sent to investigate the Night Travelers.” Jack avoided eye contact.

“Torchwood has easier magic tricks than your death.” Ianto remarked.

“Easier for me, not easier for them.”

“Not that you cared.” Ianto added and finally, Jack scowled at him, but didn't breach the discussion. “Two people who should’ve been dead for years. What kind of creatures are they?” Ianto went back to business and Jack grumbled through it.

 -

“You know it?” Jack addressed Ianto as they drove from the hospital to Providence Park.

“What?”

“How do you know Providence Park?” Jack asked and Ianto gave him a look.

“You have access to my medical records.” Ianto snapped.

“Is that permission to read up on you?” Jack asked and Ianto scoffed before turning to the window.

“I wouldn't have it any other way, sir.” He murmured.

“What’s wrong with you, Ianto?” Jack asked.

“I’m dead.” Ianto replied monotonously and Jack rolled his eyes.

“That can’t forever be your excuse whenever you’re in a bad mood.”

“Why not?” Ianto snapped. “It’s a pretty good one. It’s not going to just go away.”

“Is this about my killing myself?” Jack redirected the conversation and Ianto mumbled something under his breath. “What?”

“I know so little about your past, Jack. I don’t see why you have any business rooting around in mine.” Ianto determined and Jack sighed.

“We’re not like a normal couple, Ianto.”

“So, we’re a couple now?”

“Stop that.” Jack gave him a look. “Percentage-wise, we’ll never be even on the amounts of life stories we tell. My life is too long. But I tell you what I can.”

“Then let’s just say that this is something I can’t tell.”

 -

“He said I had no breath for him to take, so he just passed over me.” Ianto explained later. They had gotten the last breath to the owner, the young boy.

“Well, we knew that.” Owen commented.

“Yeah.” Ianto shrugged.

“Why the excitement to go to the cinema today anyway?” Jack asked as he checked over the rift activity.

“Ianto says his dad used to take him to the cinema and since it was reopening...” Gwen offered and Jack looked over to Ianto, who didn’t even have the dignity to look away.

“Ianto’s a pathological liar.” Jack announced.

“Jack!” Gwen started to scold.

“Why would I lie about that?”

“Same reason you lie about your father’s job.” Jack snapped and Gwen glanced back and forth.

“Believe it or not, Jack, my father did take me to the cinema. That time, I wasn’t trying to be sexy.” He finished, glaring at Jack, who just blinked. Ianto turned back to his work and Gwen followed, giving Jack a look.

“Gosh, Jack, why do you have to be so horrible?” Gwen concluded and Jack’s heart jumped. Horrible? _He_ was horrible? What about Ianto’s dad?

Jack had read Ianto’s medical records, and he saw the emotional scarring that man inflicted upon him. Ianto continued to gloss over the worse memories of his father and held on tightly to the better ones, no matter how small. What was that- not thinking ill of the dead? If the dead had deadened you as a child, didn’t you have the right to think whatever you want of them? And yet, Ianto continued to see only the good of his abusive father.

But _Jack_ was the horrible one? What did that mean for Ianto?

At least the boy was now able to defend himself. Whether it was because of his death or because he was around Jack, he was willing to approach conflict now, head on, rather than keep it bottled up and ignore it.

“You guys go home. Quickly. You don’t need to be out in this rain.” Jack determined.

“And if something comes up?” Tosh asked.

“Ianto and I can handle it. We won’t catch our deaths.” Jack gave her a smirk and she glanced away, knowing that this was still a touchy subject for Ianto, even if Jack felt the ease to joke about it.

Once the rest of the team had gone, Jack stepped into his office to see Ianto packing up the film projector. “That boy’s alone. His family all died.” Ianto commented.

“Death would’ve been easier, do you think?” Jack asked and Ianto turned to glare.

“Don’t be an arse.” Ianto snapped.

“Is that it, then?” Jack asked and Ianto sighed.

“No.”

“You don’t even know what I’m going to say.”

“I’m sleeping with you, Jack. I can be surprisingly perceptive.” Ianto continued working, though he didn't seem to have an end goal in mind. Work for work's sake.

“Am I just the next abusive relationship?” Jack asked and Ianto turned to curse at him.

“You’re not abusive!”

“I’m an ass.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t make you abusive.” Ianto snapped, pushing Jack away. “Don’t psychoanalyze me, Jack. Leave me be.”

“Why do you care for him, then?” Jack barked back.

“Because he was my dad!” Ianto got up in Jack’s face and then backed up slightly when he realized how close they were. “You can’t hate someone who raised you.”

“Yes, you can.”

“Is this you giving me some insight as to your childhood?” Ianto asked.

“No. I loved my parents, though I think my mother resented me.” Jack commented and Ianto gritted his teeth, but continued his fruitless work. Jack just watched him.

“Why?” Ianto finally whispered.

“My brother was lost because of me.”

“Because of you?” Ianto gave him a look.

“There was an attack. We ran, but I let go of his hand and lost him.” Jack explained and Ianto shook his head.

“You were only a boy.” Ianto determined and Jack chuckled.

“You think?”

“You must’ve been.”

“I was. But I was old enough to have known better.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“I suppose not. Not completely.” Jack looked away, walking around his desk. “Anyway, we’re getting off track.”

“I didn’t realize there was a track.” Ianto grumbled.

“You were abused.”

“It was nothing. Others had it worse.”

“Your experience isn’t defined by others’.” Jack snapped as he forced Ianto to look at him.

“What do you want me to say?” Ianto barked.

“Admit it.”

“No. My father and I didn’t have the perfect relationship, but it wasn’t as bad as you make it out to be.” Ianto pushed him away.

“Two broken legs. Same leg. A broken wrist and lots of internal bruising, mainly on the stomach, some a little lower—”

“Shut up, Jack.” Ianto hissed.

“Hitting you is abuse!” Jack growled as he stepped closer to Ianto again.

“He’s dead, Jack! There’s nothing you can do!” Ianto pushed Jack away.

“I can get you to admit it. Get you to stop making up fairy tales about your dad just so you can feel a little better about him.”

“It’s none of your business.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No!”

“You lied to me. You lied to the team.”

“No, I didn’t. We went to the cinema, Jack. My dad took me and Rhi to the cinema on Saturday mornings. And you can piss off, because I’m not letting go of those happier moments so you can hate someone you’ve never met!” Ianto finished, staring Jack dead in the eyes before backing away again and fumbling around Jack’s desk, attempting to clean the mess of papers that sat there.

Jack glared in return, not stopping Ianto’s fluttering about. Remembering the happy times wasn’t the same as suppressing the sad times. It would make him explode. “I read your files. On-about you in Providence Park.” Jack commented and Ianto avoided eye contact as he nodded, returning to a more professional, deadpanned visage.

“Was everything to your satisfaction, sir?”

“You could’ve just told me.”

“If I wanted you to know, I would’ve.” Ianto growled and Jack’s heart stopped.

“Why wouldn’t you want me to know? I could help, Ianto. I’ve lost people too.”

“You weren’t there.” Ianto hissed as Jack placed his hand on Ianto’s shoulder.

“I wasn’t at Canary Wharf. But I was a soldier in both World Wars.” Jack placed his other hand on Ianto’s other shoulder, slowly inching his arms around to hug Ianto from behind.

“It was—I was in hell.” Ianto concluded and gave a choked laugh. “Dying was nothing in comparison.” Jack felt him shake and clutched him closer.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Jack whispered into Ianto’s neck. “Come back, Ianto. You’re okay.” Ianto turned and wrapped his arms around Jack, his mind finally clearing. “How did you get out so soon? The record said you were only at Providence for a week.”

“I’m a good actor. I needed to find Lisa. I needed… to get her to safety.” Ianto explained and Jack winced.

“You’re safe.” Jack whispered in Ianto’s ear and Ianto pulled away, going back to his work, though there was nothing really for him to do. Jack sighed. “Come on.” He lead him down to the bunker where Jack’s unused bed lay. Ianto followed lazily.

"Who hurt you so badly that death was less painful?" Ianto asked and Jack avoided eye contact until they were both in the bunker.

"I had someone ...someone who was frightened by my abilities. He sent me off to be experimented on. And when they were done... I was numb. The pain was gone, but the betrayal remained like a pit in my stomach." Jack looked to Ianto and then away as they lay down together. Ianto propped his head up on his elbow as he stared down at Jack. "I removed the pain of betrayal with a more extreme solution. And then, what better way to right the experimentation than to show everyone what I was capable of?"

"You were in control." Ianto finished for him and Jack rolled his eyes. 

"Now who's psychoanalyzing?" He asked and pulled Ianto down to his lips. Ianto kissed Jack, both allowing the feeling to wash over the pain, allowing themselves to forget.


	6. Cross Your Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References to public sex and death.

“ _Why_ are you so excited about a Weevil?” Ianto grumbled as he tossed the unconscious thing into the trunk. Jack just beamed back. Ianto was convinced that it was because he had no choice but to let Jack take the full brunt of all conflict. Ianto couldn’t take it because he would never stop hurting. Jack could because he would stop quicker even than normal. “This isn’t a date.” Ianto clarified. “Otherwise your dates are horrible.”

“Such hard work.” Jack commented as he jumped into the driver’s seat.

“Am I still worth it?” Ianto questioned and Jack leaned over to kiss him. Ianto allowed it, but pulled away when Jack attempted to deepen the kiss. “That’s why you’re excited. Prematurely, I’m afraid.”

“Come on.” Jack whined.

“Not in the SUV.” Ianto gave him a look and then pointed to the steering wheel. Jack just leaned over again, but Ianto opened the door. “I’ll walk.” He dared and Jack started the car with a pout. Ianto shut the door again carefully and watched as Jack began to drive.

Ianto pressed his lips together. “You could tell her, you know. She’d take it better than I would.” Jack was silent and Ianto wondered if he knew what he was talking about. There couldn’t have been much more on Jack’s mind. “Flat Holm?” Ianto clarified, and watched as Jack stiffened and his jaw worked.

“Spying on me?” Jack grumbled after a few long seconds. Ianto gave a noncommittal grunt. “You have experience in things that are out of your hands. She… doesn’t.” Jack finished.

“She’s compassionate. You’ve said so yourself, Jack; she’s the most compassionate of us all. She’ll dote on them.”

“She—She’ll try to fix it. She’ll be angry that I haven’t told their families. She expects too much out of people.” Jack explained slowly, choosing his words with a careful precision.

“Maybe you expect too little.” Ianto raised an eyebrow.

Jack sighed. “It may be morbid, but sometimes dead—or even missing—is better than …this. Whatever this is.”

“Who are you to make that call?”

“Who is anybody?” Jack murmured. “At least I know what they’re going through. Roughly.” Jack determined and Ianto narrowed his eyes. Jack had been caring for these people the longest. He may have even had experience in other places in similar situations.

“Lisa was worse than the patients on Flat Holm. I managed.”

“Would you have wanted to know that she was like that, or would you have preferred to think she was dead?” Jack raised an eyebrow and Ianto returned the look.

“I’m glad I knew.” Ianto claimed confidently and Jack made a face that showed his disagreement. Ianto ignored it. “Do you not think Gwen would understand?”

“Gwen would drag us all through hell before looking at the sad realism of a situation.” Jack grumbled and Ianto gave a sad laugh. “It would break her.” Ianto could hear the age in Jack’s voice. The sudden onslaught of hidden knowledge behind that statement, as if Jack had seen it happen before and didn’t want it to happen to Gwen. Jack loved Gwen for her innocence, which wasn’t really innocence at all, but a lack of experience with worldly terror. A refusal to accept such terms and conditions that had been thrust upon the rest of them to the point where they had no choice but to weakly bear the lifelong consequences.

“Have you had children?” Ianto changed the subject.

“Calling me old?”

“Calling you wizened.”

“Hm. Thanks, I think.” Jack determined as he pulled into the garage.

“You didn’t answer.” Ianto remarked and Jack raised an eyebrow before sighing at Ianto’s mockery of the look.

“I have.” He finally answered and jumped out of the car, silently demanding that Ianto leave it at that.

\--

“Jack.”

“I told you this would happen.” Jack whispered when Ianto gripped his sleeve and he flourished around again to face Ianto. 

“Jack.” Ianto watched Owen leave the conference room from the corner of his eye. Tosh and Gwen remained, but Tosh soon followed Owen out. 

“I’ve made up my mind.” Jack gritted his teeth dangerously to avoid being overheard. 

“Jack!” Ianto snapped and gave him a look that he quickly contained when he saw Gwen glance out at them. “You don’t have to involve yourself. Let this be her own project, just helping people.”

“How?” Jack raised an eyebrow and Ianto opened his mouth to answer, but then closed it.

“Talk to her—” Jack glanced over to Gwen, speaking over him.

“No.”

“About it, Jack! Think it through.” Ianto added and Jack sighed before walking away. Ianto gritted his teeth as he glanced over to this woman, whom he alone could finally break.  

She was a smart girl and the GPS could direct her to where she needed to go. Of course, Jack immediately became suspicious, but Ianto made a game out of it and soon, they were running around the Hub half clothed. Ianto figured it would keep Jack substantially distracted while Gwen pieced things together.  

When Gwen walked in on them, he was weirdly not upset. He rushed out to explain the package, but Jack quickly joined them and Ianto shut his mouth, attempting to look more embarrassed. After all, that’s what they’d expect.

Later, Jack came storming into his office just as Ianto suspected. Of course, Ianto had prepared. “You can’t keep treating her like a child, Jack. She had to grow up. This would let her grow up more slowly when next time, it’s someone she loves. At least, it’s not like me with Lisa—” He was cut off by Jack’s arms wrapping around him. Ianto squeaked, but then realized that this was a hug. Not an attempt to strangle what life was left from him. Not an attempt to rip his head off. A hug. Ianto knew how to deal with hugs.

“I love you.” Jack responded and Ianto melted, feeling as though he should have cried. “I decided that it makes no sense for you to be able to say it and not me. You have me for the rest of your life, so you’ll always be able to tell me. I might not have you the rest of my life, though. So, I’ll take the time I can get. And makes sure you know. I love you, Ianto Jones.”

Ianto attempted to reply, but nothing came. He buried his face in Jack’s neck. “I love you too.” He finally mumbled.


	7. See The Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major character deaths, and mention of suicidal thoughts.  
> Sorry, this is so late.

Jack didn’t like John. That much Ianto had long since gathered. Why help him then? Why talk to him as if he didn’t need to be put down? They had a history. That much was obvious. But then, the questions would continue. What was their history? Did John know how to kill Jack?

Of course, that question was at the forefront of Ianto’s mind once more than half the city was destroyed. He knew he had better things to focus on, like saving Cardiff, but that didn’t seem to come up now.

The two of them had an eternity. Cardiff would heal eventually. But Ianto was blinded by the terror of this realization.

“The streets are flooded with Weevils.” Ianto commented.

“Can you get us to the nuclear power station?” Tosh asked him and Ianto thought it over. The Weevils would avoid him and if Tosh was nearby, there wouldn’t be a problem.

“I can.” He determined.

“Owen can you get back to the Hub? As quick as you can?” Gwen called through the comms as Ianto and Tosh made their way through the crowds of Weevils, shooting down those nearby other people in the streets.

“Clear out!” Ianto shouted as people screamed and ran. He figured they got the point. When he and Tosh arrived at the nuclear power station, they convinced the remaining woman to leave and Ianto handed her the stun gun for good measure.

“It’s past critical point.” Tosh commented.

“Can you fix it still?”

“Of course I can. I’m brilliant.” She remarked thoughtlessly and Ianto gave a small chuckle, hoping she was as good as she thought. “I need you to get to the coolant system. I’ll talk you through that while I work here on the servers.”

“Okay.” Ianto did his best to find the coolant system and followed orders as she called them out. Suddenly, the orders stopped. “Tosh?” Ianto called through the comms. “Tosh, what next? What’s happening?” He asked as a loud bang came from where she was in the building.

“Ianto, I’ve left the building. There’s Weevils, you need to get out!” She shouted back and Ianto bolted. He reached the door just as it was closing and as he turned, he saw Tosh. But she wasn’t where she said.

“No, wait, _no_!” Ianto banged against the door as it slid shut, trapping her inside. “Tosh!” He could see her laying beside the machinery, a hole where her stomach should be. Clearly the Weevils had gotten to her before she could get out. “Tosh! No! No! Why?” He attempted to claw his way back through the door.

“Ianto, stop. Please. If you get hurt, you won’t heal, remember?” She called back weakly through the comms and he could feel a dry sob amount in his throat. He called out in pain, but the pain wasn’t physical. His body didn’t seem to know what to do with itself.

“Tosh.” He whispered back.

“I’m sorry.”

“Tosh.”

“I knew I’d slow you down. And this…” She gave a horrified giggle. “This isn’t survivable anyway.” She promised him.

“No!” Ianto answered, not sure if he was angrier with himself for allowing her to comfort him or for allowing this to happen. He should have never left her side. But then, would they have both been trapped inside? “Tosh, I’m so sorry.” He responded, resting his head against the door. “Tosh?” There was no answer. “Tosh!” Ianto called as the pain bubbled from his chest with no way of expressing itself. He cried out in pain and banged his fists against the door—to hell with the pain.

But then, hadn’t he always known this would happen? Tosh was dead. Owen would die. Gwen would die. He and Jack would live on, but all others would be gone in an instant. No wonder Jack tried so hard to avoid caring. That had been why their relationship started out as ‘just tonight’. That was why it took Gwen’s stubbornness to force Jack to focus on the people being affected by the oncoming future that Jack spoke so highly of.

“Tosh? Ianto?” Jack called through the comms.

“Jack!” Ianto sobbed back.

“Ianto! Where’s Tosh?” He called.

“Gone. Sealed in. I couldn’t, Jack, I couldn’t—” Ianto could feel his body’s confusion and yelled in frustration. His heart should’ve been pounding. He should’ve been having trouble breathing and seeing. He should be shaking. Instead, his dead body remained quiet while he screamed his throat raw.

“Ianto! Ianto! You need to come back to the hub.” Jack called back, sounding just as broken and audibly so.

“I can’t.”

“Ianto? Why can’t you?”

“Tosh is here.” He responded and there was a long silence. “Jack? Tosh is … she’s here. But—”

“I’m on my way.” Jack responded and Ianto clicked off his comms as he sunk to the floor and stared at his hands. His fingertips had run ragged. It wasn’t all that surprising. His body would decay faster than aging. He wondered morbidly how long it would take him to look like a zombie. There were already the little things. The hole in his chest and the cut on his arm. Ever since he dislocated his shoulder, it felt a little off, but those were things that were easily covered. His fingers could be excused, he supposed. For now, at least. But… eventually…

"Ianto." Jack appeared and slid to his knees to hug Ianto close. "She's gone. Okay? I'm sorry."

"It's my fault."

"No."

"I shouldn't-"

"There was nothing you could've done."

"You don't know. You don't even know what happened." Ianto gulped down the nothingness that occupied his throat.

"Come on."

“I could die.” Ianto commented when Jack pulled him to his feet. Jack’s face was raw and his eyes were bulging. “Tosh knew I could die. She knew… Why didn’t she let me?” Ianto asked grabbing Jack’s shoulders and shaking them slightly as Jack held him still to stop him from falling once more to his knees.

Instead, Jack held him close and there they remained. “How…how are Gwen and Owen? Where’s John?” Ianto asked, but Jack just shook as he held him. “Jack?” Ianto squeaked.

“Owen’s dead.” Jack snapped. “My brother shot him. And…he’s gone. John’s gone. Gwen’s fine.” Ianto buried his face in Jack’s chest and wished that he could find a way to make the world black out. Nothing would ever work again. There was no unconsciousness that wasn’t an official death. There was no drunkenness.

“I want to go. Too. I want to go.” Ianto whimpered, but Jack squeezed him tighter.

“No. Never. Ianto, don’t say that. Please.” Jack cried out.

At the hub, Ianto found Tosh’s goodbye video. They watched and cried and finally, Jack pulled Ianto down into the bed in the bunker. “What now?” Ianto asked as they held one another close.

“Well. From a logical perspective, we’ll need new team members.”

“That’s rather tactless, Jack.” Ianto commented through a wince.

“I know.” Jack whispered, but Ianto heard his voice crack. In all honesty, Ianto was surprised that Jack even remembered them all after the two thousand years underground and then unconscious.

“Can we stop?” Ianto asked.

“Stop what?”

“Torchwood. The deaths, Jack. Let’s just stop.”

“We don’t cause the deaths, Ianto.”

“We direct them. If we don’t intervene—”

“Someone else will die. Someone who is unprepared. At least we prepare.” Jack determined.

“I’m tired.” Ianto squeaked.

“I know.” Jack repeated and sighed, kissing Ianto gently. “I know.”


End file.
